There is nothing like the tears of a one year old to break a person’s heart. My first morning with the girls started out great. I got up early, got myself totally ready for work…had a few minutes to chill before either of the girls woke up. I was able to get them dressed and ready to go so ahead of schedule that we played for a bit and had a glass of milk before heading off to daycare. (Don’t worry that I didn’t mention breakfast…they eat at daycare).
I will admit I was feeling pretty proud of myself for being so organized and handling a 4 year old and 1 year old all by myself! Then I get to daycare. Grace was fine she runs in takes her jacket and shoes off and didn’t even say good-bye before running to play with friends. Kiera is another story. She was fine until she saw me take a step to the door, then she looks up at me, puts her arms out to be held and start crying big huge tears and trembling bottom lip. I kissed her and had to force myself to walk out that door. Leaving that beautiful crying little girl was one of the hardest things I have ever done, and I don’t say that lightly.
Now I don’t feel so proud of myself…I feel more like I just let the most precious little person down and she doesn’t even understand why.
By the time I got to my car I was in tears because all I could think about is how much harder it is going to be once the adoption happens and it is my own child I’m dropping off. I really don’t know how I’m going to do it!
1 comment:
That is so reminesent of the summer I worked in Kennewick. I came home that first weekend and Sunday afternoon we all walked out to the car for me to go back to Kennewick. You were three years old and soehow you thought that this time you would be going with me. As you climbed into the car I had to tell you that you couldn't go with me. You broke down and sobbed so hard and begged me to take you with me. Then you begged me not to leave you. To this day that is the cruelest and hardest thing I have ever had to do. I cryed all the way to Kennewick. I have never gotten over what that felt like. So yes, it will be so much more difficult when it is one of your own. That particular job ended on a Thursday morning. I knew that by the time I got back to Kelso you guys would be at the meeting. I walked in and when I turned down the Isle you were seated at you looked up and yelled "Daddy" You flung yourself around my neck and cryed while you kept repeating you loved me. There was not a dry eye in the entire hall. I am so looking forward to the two of you getting these experiences as parents.
Popeye
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