Adoption Update

I have not posted much about the adoption in a while. Mostly because there is not much to tell. The only “action” we have had as of late is updating some of the home study paperwork that is only good for a year.

It is hard to believe we have been waiting for a year already. The last year has had its share of adoption related ups and downs for sure, most of which you all have gone through with us. I actually don’t post much about how I’m feeling or what I’m thinking because honestly it is hard sometimes. I get asked 2 to 3 times a day from various people what is going on with the adoption and honestly I just get tired of talking about it.

I am a pretty self aware person and I am constantly analyzing how I’m feeling or what I’m thinking about things varying in importance from how I’m doing in fantasy football to my marriage and everything in between. The adoption process has given me ample opportunity to analyze what I’m thinking and feeling.

When the process first started I was so excited, ready to jump through any and all hoops and convinced we would find the perfect situation within months. Every email we would get regarding a potential baby would make me start thinking this is the one, this will be the baby for us. A year later and 4 or 5 “close calls” later and I don’t get all that excited anymore. We still get those emails, but I just don’t get worked up about it. I’m at the point that until a birth mom says “You are the couple” I just can’t allow myself to get that excited. I would rather be sort of flat line about it than have the highs of excitement and lows of disappointment. Emotional self preservation I guess.

I have also found that some of my coping techniques may be working too well. My adoption party line has been that Mark and I are taking advantage of what child-free time we have left and enjoying how easy things are right now. Well that has worked so well that the thought of our easy life changing has started to freak me out a little bit. Please nobody worry, I’m not changing my mind or backing out and I’m still so excited to be a mom at some point, but I will be honest and say that I’m a little freaked out!

It’s almost like we have too much time to think about it and prepare. Too much time to think about the good things: first smiles/words/teeth/steps and the stressful things: lack of sleep/dirty diapers/spit up. I know the rewards will far, far outweigh any stress I just wish I could turn my brain off and stop thinking about it sometimes.