On Being a Mommy

Or rather being a stay at home mommy.

I get asked often if I still like being a SAHM (stay at home mom), what has changed, is it what I thought it would be, do I miss work...there are more but these are the big ones.  I don't mind the questions because it reminds me to step back and make sure I mean my answer before I give it.  Little moments of self and life evaluation. 

Do I still like being a stay at home mom?  - Yes, a thousand times yes.  I get to spend my days with this amazing little person that keeps me on my toes and teaches me things I love about myself, and teaches me things I'm not so thrilled with.  I love seeing her grow and learn, watching her problem solve and interact with others.   I laugh more now than I ever have in my life.  She cracks me up with her antics, her kindness, and even her Harrison jealousy.  One of my favorite things is watching her develop her friendship with Reagan.  Kids are so honest in their love, anger, selfishness, joy, politeness...our little people don't fake it.  It's so clear what Sky and Reagan are feeling towards each other.  I love seeing them work through it when they are not happy with each other, and I love the sheer joy when they are excited to see each other and run full speed at each other.

I'm thankful I get to see the full depth of Sky's personality and emotions all day every day!

What has changed? - Everything and nothing.  I honestly don't think about LBS (life before Sky).  I always liked being home, snuggled in my house hanging with Mark and Bishop. Now I like it even more.  The thought of being out all night partying has zero appeal to me.  For one, Sky wakes up at 7 am no matter what time I choose to go to bed.  I feel like it is my privilege to give her the best me I possible can every day, and being out late having fun does not make for great mommy moments the next day.  I kinda have to force myself to have balance and do non-mommy things like Dodgeball, Tuesday night runs with Michelle, my IRB meetings, Drinks with the girls after they are off work etc. 

I have changed some of my TV viewing habits.  Eliminating shows like the new 90210 (I grew up on the old 90210 so was naturally drawn to the new one, but really what HS student has million dollar trust funds and lives in their own mansion without parental supervision?!) zero values on that show that I want Sky to have.  Toddlers and Tiara's is another one.  It's like a car accident on the freeway...you don't want to look, but can't help but too look when channel flipping.  That show makes me ill and again nothing there that I want Sky to value, so if she can't watch it, I won't watch it.  Of course Mark and I have shows we watch that are not kid friendly, like Walking Dead, so we do have some balance.  But, I make an effort to eliminate "tabloid" TV in general. 

I have also changed what magazines I allow in the house.  In Style, Lucky, and Allure are all gone.  I'm contemplating dumping Shape and Self as well.  In Style was a hard one to give up, but bottom line is I don't want to hide my magazines from Sky, and I don't want her thinking she needs to 1) look like models in magazines to be beautiful 2) that cloths/jewelry/makeup make a person who they are 3) that we are going to afford the latest and greatest brand name or trend.  Even if we can afford it, it doesn't mean we are going to.  

One of the things I'm most thankful to my parents for was raising me to be self confident and feel good about myself.  Do I think I'm the skinniest, prettiest, smartest, greatest girl out there?  Nope.  But, I have pretty much always been ok with what I see in the mirror and with who I am.  I feel good about myself inside and out, even though there are things that could be "fixed".  I really want that for Sky.  I want her to know that while she isn't perfect, she is beautiful and that she can be anything she wants to be and accomplish anything she sets her mind and talents to.

I don't feel like the majority of today's marketing (especially print ads) lends itself to helping people feel good about themselves.  So, we have chosen to limit how much of it Sky has access to and is exposed to.  Good bye old magazines and welcome Nat Geo, Sunset, cooking and running magazines.  Also, another reason shows like 90210 are no good...all based on looks and fluff. 

Is it what I thought it would be? - I'm not sure what exactly I thought it would be before we had her.  I was dead set on taking my 12 weeks of leave and going back to work.  We had toured our day care of choice and were feeling good about our decision.  I never even thought about being a SAHM for longer than my leave.  So, I can only assume I thought it would not be fun or great or whatever. 

18 months in and I find it to be the most fulfilling and satisfying thing I have ever done!  It's not just the Mommy part of it either.  It's making new friends like Jodi, being able to coordinate the stroller running group, meeting Mark for lunch when we are able.  It is a lot busier than I thought it would be, I put a lot of effort into socializing and getting her out of the house for a change of pace.  I don't feel like we are over booked at all, but it's a busy little life Sky has.  When we are home it's a scramble to get chores done during the 1 nap a day she is taking...boy do I miss that 2nd nap!   

Do I miss work?  -  If you mean waking up to an alarm, punching a clock and sitting at a desk all day, no I don't miss it at all.  I do miss some of my co-workers, and I liked the HR world, but I don't miss it.  But, I still work.  My job now is to save us money when and where I can, keep a clean house and take care of and love the 4 other living beings in my home.  Those are the basics, a lot goes into making all that happen.  :)

Yep, I love being a SAHM!